Love him? Try traveling together first!

In the novel ‘Fortress Besieged ‘ (Wei Cheng) by Mr.Qian Zhongshu, he said, those who go through long term hardship during the travel and still do not dislike each other, could be some friends. Then I guess, if that is some requirement for a friend, a life partner should be even more like this.

If you are not sure whether you like him or not, you can always try traveling together with him. In my opinion, traveling together can tell one’s attitude, capability of solving problems, whether he is patient, thoughtful, etc. I think traveling together is a must-do before two get married. As two go traveling together to a unfamiliar place is such a test. There are so many details which can indicate whether you two are suitable for each other to live together or not. Don’t always think that traveling costs too much, I need to save money for my house loan, car loan. Well, living economically is correct, but you definitely deserve some wonderful and precious memory while you are young to remember, traveling with your love is one option.

First get yourself prepared and check out his behaviors:

Plans. Tell him that you like to go traveling with him. If he says he has no money for this, or the destination you are going is nothing interesting, in the meanwhile, he suggests nowhere else, or just prefers staying at home. Then he doesn’t enjoy life as you do. So prepare yourself NOT to have any surprises if you two get married, but hang on, before you two get married, think twice, do you really want to live with such a man for your whole life? Of course, all the travel preparation will reveal whether he is a planning kind of guy or how detailed in his arrangement.

In my case, I told Paul that I’d visit him in Phuket for 5 days including one day is my birthday, he arranged everything. I mean everything: commodity, where to dine out, where to have fun, when to meet his friends, how to celebrate my birthday and the whole five days full of surprises, starting right from my arrival at Phuket International Airport. He was sitting on the bench outside of the gate with bright local flower necklace for me. He directed me to his parking car and carried my luggage. Such a gentleman. He then hugged me and gave me a big warm welcome kiss when there were not so many people . He is shy sometimes. After the kiss, I found a sapphire in my mouth, as my first BIG surprise! He was shy to kiss me in the airport lobby.

Expenditure. It is quite obvious to get to know one’s consumption habits. Well, you have to find out whether he has got the courage to take on partial cost of the trip. If he only wants taking not thinking of giving, , he doesn’t deserve any of your time. If you two don’t have much money, talk openly and use it more reasonably and cautiously. But if he’s been obsessed whether he paid more than you for this bill, that, I have to say, is quite disappointing. You should be aware of that. When Paul took me out for dinner, he liked to pay and left the waiters nice tips if they served really cold beers, brought olive oil, vinegar and salt on time. And also, he is not a bean counter when he’s with friends. He likes to buy friends drinks. So he’s generous and likes giving.

Habits and Customs. All kinds of life details will reveal the one traveling with you. Let’s see how he behaves while living in a hotel together. Does he have any unbearable habits, like not taking baths? Not brushing teeth? Picking up his nose in public? Does he pack his luggage or bag well organized or just cram all the mess in the bag five minutes before he leaves? I do believe that a man who manages his life with orders is mainly responsible and trustworthy. He would notice your little habits too and takes care of you by surprising you with some details.

Before I met Paul, I was living alone, so I didn’t know too much about my own sleeping problems. He told me that I snored when I slept on my back and I clenched my teeth during sleeping, quite annoying huh? Yes, I would think so and feel disappointed. But Paul would prefer to have some solutions rather laughing at me or criticizing me. He said if I sleep on my side, I will not snore any more. Well, for my bruxism, I feel extremely embarrassed, he tried many ways to solve this problem together with me, psychologically and medically. See? Since he is an organized and detail oriented man he noticed my problems and helped me solve them, making his efforts and caring for me.

Traveling Mood. Oh, can I say this really matters? As no one can guarantee each every trip will be 100% satisfaction. There will be some unexpected incidents, or maybe you can not understand local dialect or language, get too much exhausted, the views are not that charming as we imagined, bad food or even sudden sickness, you name it. Guess it now rings some bells from your former experience. So, how would he react when you two just went through something unpleasant? Would he cheer you up and face it up with you with optimistic attitude? Or, just blaming someone else who ruined the pleasure, or shouting foul language while kicking the wall, or smoking in the chair while asking you to deal with it all by yourself? A good man would like to protect you and take care of you on every level, then you feel secure.

On our trip in Cortina in late October, the mountain area, he felt my cold hands and put my hand into his inner pocket to keep me warm and later he cheered me up with super nice food which kept me warm for long; when I have my period during travel, not so active on the first two days, I would be dying for a cup of hot chocolate, Paul would always remember this and get hot chocolate for me. Moreover, he would share historical stories, telling jokes to distract my attention on my unpleasant stomach. He always has better traveling mood, but, if there is some stupid driver in front of us, that is a totally different story.

Moreover, don’t quarrel too much, don’t get yourself in a sulk for too long, as it is hurting both feelings and you can make no fun out of quarreling. If you two quarrel a lot, then both need to think what happened caused this quarrel when you calm down, whether there is anything you can do to change the situation. I prefer a man who makes me smile and laugh rather than a man who makes me angry or full of sulk. The one you love should be like someone that you wish to talk with constantly. If you lose the first base, there is nothing left to talk about.
Life should be accumulated each other day by grateful and wonderful things, not anger or depression. We are living in a real world, not in fairy tale. So try living everyday with more acceptance and understanding. That will take us to the next level of the relationship.
So turn off your phones and iPads or tablets, step out, go traveling out, breathe your real life with your loved ones. Wish the one in your hand is right like the one who’s holding my hand.


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